Today by sheer coincidence, I chose to go to my storage facility to sort out the things I wanted to bring back to Singapore when my time in the USA ends (It is an unhappy situation. I'd rather not talk about it now, or maybe [Edit: meant to say "maybe" on the first write, but somehow lost it. I've revealed part of it in the comments section already] ever). Taking my bicycle out for the last time to be put aside the dumpster, I gently told her "I hope someone finds you and makes good use of you." Then, as I brought a second load of things I wished to dispose of, a car with a family of 5 pulls up and the dad heads over to the dumpster and the bike. Now, this is common. Some people will take the Sunday to look at the trash heaps of storage facilities. Some look for anything that is valuable and can be salvaged, others look for still-functioning stuff they needed. I helpfully pointed out that the bike was mine and could do with a new home. It felt great, their youngest son was very excited about it. It was clear that would be his bike.
And then I walked back to my unit to clear more stuff. On seeing the bike helmet and lock there, I quickly took it up to hand it over to the family before they left. And then it struck me - here was a chance to also get rid of the furniture I would have no use of after I am gone. So I asked "I do have some stuff I'd be getting rid of, if you'd like to take a look."
And they did. It turned out to be a very fortuitous encounter. They had actually been on their way to a furniture place to put down a deposit for the very type of stuff I was giving away. The mother asked how much I wanted for them and I said "They are yours for free."
What followed was in my own 26 years of living in Singapore, atypical of my experiences with complete strangers there. First, it turned out all my things could be of use to them. The mother was a Sociology major graduate student with the University and the couple has 5 (!!!) children, one of them nearing college age himself. They could all do with the stuff I was giving away (except - I gently explained to their youngest son, my DVDs and books). While they made arrangements to have their vehicle prepared for multiple trips to take most of the big stuff, I chatted quite a bit with the mother about what we both do in academia and about life. She spoke of the pressures of graduate school on family life that resonated with me. My own experiences were somewhat less congenial, but she told me how her academic boss was very supportive of her slowing down her career as a graduate student to keep the family going. That kind of support is rare, particularly in Singapore. We agreed it would be nice to exchange our contact information so they can get more of my stuff as and when I no longer needed them. They also offered to help me move all the books and documents I had wanted to sort at the facility to my apartment, so it is easier to do the sorting. That was a great help. Much of the annoyance had been to walk the few miles to the facility from my apartment each weekend to perform that task.
As it neared lunch time, they invited me to go with them for lunch as the kids were feeling hungry. They treated and I put up token resistance :). They dropped their kids off at their apartment, and showed me their place. Their teenage sons were back and so they were able to help out with moving a big chunk of my furniture from the storage unit later. They were wonderful people. It was clear from the start they couldn't take everything on the same day, but the father was so kind as to ask when I had to pay the next month's rent on the storage. He was thinking I could save some money on the rent if they could help me move out the rest before that time. I told him it was ok, I hadn't planned for it but it was also not a rush for me. Whatever worked for both of us was good enough.
So, I had a wonderful and inspirational win-win encounter today. I think we'd all love to stay in touch over the longer term if we can. This scenario has been repeated for me over my time here in the USA with complete strangers. Sometimes with shared experiences, sometimes through a window of coincidence as is this one. They have all felt comfortable, and they have all been good memories whether we keep in contact or otherwise. Very atypical of my experiences in Singapore, for one reason or another. Makes my eventual departure poignant. I will miss this country very much.
22 comments:
Chee Wai, I do understand if you do not feel comfortable with sharing here (you can email me at kevin.t.cho@gmail.com if you are comfortable with sharing either way), but is there any real reason why you cannot extend your time in the USA to look for a job or get some form of trade certification if need be? On the flip side, I can identify with you in this aspect of missing the USA. I am going to leave my job here in Japan for various reasons(if you have read my blog, you probably know that I hate my boss and his values other than the fact of the job being a misfit in any case), and have to learn to clear stuff. I cleared 4 to 5 big bags full of garbage after a major clean-up over the weekend, and intrinsically, it reminded me of my time back in Canada. I missed the people and their kindness so much, but I could not stay on in Calgary because it was somehow not destined to be my home for personal reasons. But you will do well to remember that if you do not want to go back to Singapore, then you do not need to. You can still look into other options, remember!
Lack of funding is the principal reason. What I have now will not be extended - the perils of soft money in non-tenure positions here. With the remaining time frame, it seems unlikely any transfer of the H1B between organizations can be achieved with any new offers. Well, at least not without significant stress and pain. Right now, I feel like taking a break from it all and regrouping. The best place to do this is back in Singapore where I do not have to worry about or be constrained by immigration issues. Besides, it is a good opportunity to spend some quality time with the folks and develop research ideas that would make it easier to gun for a tenure position in the future. The only hazard I must navigate around is the silliness of Singapore society driving me nuts while I'm there :P.
I guess that I am different from you. I cannot go back to Singapore for more than a few weeks without getting really sick and nearly dying. For that reason, being far away studying and doing something else is better than going back.
*hugsies* I think I understand how you feel. I don't think you are very different. I am actually quite terrified of going back - it is a soul-sucking place and there are a lot of things I will need getting used-to again, even for the short term.
Thankfully, I have the George Takei Defense. It *does* feel better if you think of the people who treat you (or others) poorly (and unfairly) as imbeciles.
Singapore must be full of imbeciles then!
Pretty much. Even people I used to like or respect.
It is because of the lack of correct information or misinformation that goes on in Singapore. The media--and people partial to the state-controlled media--disseminate wrong information or biased information without being honest about it, and people in turn tell themselves lies to prevent their lives in Singapore from feeling worse than it already is.
Every time I do get to Singapore society for a short while of a week or two, I simply avoid people. It is healthier that way, since I will not be exposed to stupidity and idiocy en masse. For example, when you are jobless and looking for a job, Singaporeans--mostly whatever their background, even if they are PhD holders--think that it is of your own choosing and register some degree of shock or sudden change in their treatment or assessment of you as a person. I tell myself in the vein of Dr Seuss that " those who mind do not matter and those who matter do not mind", but honestly, it still baffles me.
Kevin - from my perspective, there are just all kinds of people with these tendencies cutting across virtually the entire strata of society. Personally, I've found the Phds (or the more "successful") are the ones more likely to judge you for whatever they perceive to be your failures. You just reminded me of several conversations I've had with an old friend on Facebook. He seemed sincere enough, but his questions and first impressions hinted at a perspective that there was "something wrong" with what I did to land up in some of the situations I land up in (which may well be true). As if there are always right or wrong answers to life, is how I felt.
Anyway, it feels more like a power structure in Singapore than a community of people. I am not comfortable with it.
Actually, the ones who judged me, or indicated that I got into my situation then as an un-employed PhD, were mostly either PhD holders back in Singapore, or higher degree holders working for the government or institution of their choice. It definitely has to do with a power structure, because down to their very core of their being, they were affirmative of the power structure of Singapore society(even if it is based on misinformation), constantly had negative things to say about other countries(or that Singapore is way better than these other countries), and that they would rather live in a proto-dictatorship and be on the top rung or majority group than live in a real full-fledged democracy like Canada, the UK, Australia, or the USA, and be among a big pool of talents competing with them.
In the end, all I just say to myself and to whatever they say and think is, "WHATEVER." I then turn and look the other way at the things I am more interested. People like these are only worth as much as what they either claim to earn or enjoy ostentatiously,so why envy or even feel inferior next to them?
I feel ya. I just got disgusted with some comments in a thread on Facebook about that poor kid who was smacked around by his boss.
Casual garbage like "If there are no injuries, it is not assault." and "He was a wuss for allowing it to happen." I don't need friends like that, and I certainly am not interested to know friends of friends who think like that either.
That society is rotten to the core. Only a miracle could save it. But who knows, it could happen ... America looked (and is now looking) pretty (shockingly, actually) bad at various points in its history.
US American society is on the decline, as much as other societies like Japanese society(which, as an outsider, I am even more aware of, judging from the way things are run in that country). It's all an inevitable part of the cycle of things, and whatever we all say and communicate about reluctance, along with it comes the rise of various other societies--maybe not morally or ethically, but politically and economically(and maybe even militarily). That said, Singapore society dug its own grave many years back by trying to adopt the capitalist values of the rest of the world, but without the democratic framework.
I respectfully disagree.
America's model to me, still offers the best hope of moving forward for all of humanity. Its democratic model is unlikely to ever be a finished work, but that is what all the arguments are about ... people constantly trying to work towards an outcome that is fair and beneficial.
Taking steps back is a common phenomenon, but the broad sweep of history has shown American society capable of making progress forward. The Europeans have ideas that I like too. We'll see if the world can work towards something that applies well to our species. The planet is getting smaller, learning to live with one another will be an important step.
I am actually quite cynical of the USA's model for democracy. The thing is that people are gradually losing their respect for each other despite the claims to believe in what you want. Incompatibility, for the most part, is what is happening here, if we look at debates surrounding things like the issues of abortion, same-sex union, separation of state and religion in institutions including formerly religious-affiliated schools, healthcare(and also, whether abortion can be included within that). Then again, maybe it is because I have lived in Canada for a longer while than the USA, and Canadians do not view the Americans in a positive light in all of these.
North Americans, whether Americans or Canadians, do treat each other with a great deal more kindness though, compared to Singaporeans who have learnt to care only for themselves. It takes more than a hardened will to ride against that dehumanizing wave in that kind of society in Singapore, as I noticed from people I used to know from schooling days there, and I would say that a sense of social justice (or injustice) is seriously LACKING or absent from most.
Perhaps you get that perception from Fox News and MSNBC, Kevin. Living here, I've experienced little to none of that in my day-to-day experiences, even with conservative members of our community. People have their views, but we all know it is alright to disagree.
As for respect, I do not know how to measure that nor do I know why it needs to figure that highly in a functioning society with a diverse population. I only know that people here are generally understood to be independent individual human beings. Nothing really wrong with disrespect if (and even if not - Westboro Church being the classic example) we do not get in each other's faces. It is when we dehumanize segments of the population ... that raises the danger of a real tragedy in the making.
Kevin, if you can watch this, these documentaries capture an aspect of my faith in the American democracy and society, nuances and all:
"Constitution USA with Peter Sagal Created Equal"
http://video.pbs.org/video/2365014042
Chee Wai, maybe I did not make myself clear. I do think that I like Americans on the whole, minus the occasional "really bragging stupid" people who however can be found in just about any race or nationality on earth. My quibble with the USA lies mainly with the system, such as the way healthcare is done bureaucratically(as compared to Canada) and the financial system, because it breeds a lot of irresponsibility. The USA has always claimed that Europe and Canada are 'socialist'(notice my eyes rolling about in absolute disbelief, especially with regards to Canada, coming from someone who has lived there long enough to know that Canada is a full-fledged democracy). Then again, I am skeptical of the US system, not necessarily always the people.
I would not call myself a 'conservative' per se, not a 'liberal', and for the most part, I do have many religious Christian beliefs shaping my thoughts and actions. I did observe though that from personal experiences, interactions with people are way more complex than a case of 'Republican bad, Democrat good', because some of the Democrats I have seen tend to be really actual uninformed (and willfully so) jerks who would not tolerate another opinion, while Republicans I know of are actually kinder than the way the liberal media in the USA paints them. I rarely watch FOX or MNBC, so I cannot comment on that divide in the same way you mentioned. That observation came mainly from personal experience, and might not be fully verifiable per se.
I am rushing to the office in a while(call it the perils of being in a job one hates and will leave eventually), but will watch your video later. By the way, hopefully, you have heard too about the City Harvest Church scandal...it reminds me of the numerous evangelical scandals of megachurches in the USA too. One bad example creates another, I guess......
City Harvest is pretty entertaining, imho. Not quite as entertaining as Ted Haggard just prior to his fall from "grace", but should be interesting. Pity Pat Robertson is unlikely to face his comeuppance before he croaks.
I actually do not regard Kong Hee as a Christian per se, but more of a self-deluded preacher who believes in his own heresy. In other words, he is Singapore's Darkhen Rahl(think of Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series, especially the first book, "Wizard's First Rule"). He is like Darkhen Rahl almost to a T, if you have ever read that book before. Yes, it is very entertaining, including all the excuses and false reasons used by him and his criminally fame-obsessed wife to justify their deeds.
Pat Robertson is an amazing travesty of theological sense (or should I say, common sense?), especially considering his heretical notions of objects flying around because they are moved around by demons....yes, he did say that once. Still remember that Republican candidate for the presidency in 2013, Rick Perry, who said that America is controlled by demons and all that doctrine of demons? They belong to that group of charismatics which I seriously view to be an increasingly 'loonie' group capable of distorting most, if not all, of the core doctrines and teachings of Christianity. Giving any form of power to crazy people like that, Kong Hee and associates included, is simply an exercise in dangerous stupidity.
The only reason (or rationalization, since I am in fact trying to comfort myself) I do not fly into a rage about these people is because there's precious little I can do to convince their followers they are being abused.
I can only throw my hands up, try to help them if it is within my power, or just feel sorry for them if it is not. So many people (and families) have had their lives ruined because of the many false end-of-world/rapture prophesies spouted by random nutjobs.
The funny thing is that when scientists show evidence that we should be concerned about certain aspects of the planet's environment that have impact on our survival chances, they get dismissed out-of-hand because it does not fit with their myths.
Kinda tragic, but since I do not really care if Homo Sapiens make their long-term survival or if Felis Sylvestris eventually take over stewardship of this planet, I try not to invest too much of my remaining sanity thinking too deeply about it.
There is a church-group watchdog, probably based in the USA or Australia, run by Christians who are trying to warn others of the abuses going on within Charismatic circles such as Kong Hee and associates, as well as the emerging health-and-wealth gospel(an aberrant movement within Christianity which started in the USA and has successfully distorted the fundamentals of what Christianity is really about in some churches). The obtuseness of Kong Hee and his associates towards such Christians who are telling them to REPENT of their wrongdoings and to recant their abuses and heretical beliefs is to make the false claim that these Christians (who are in fact more "loving" than the authorities coming down on them) are like early persecutors of the Christian church in Roman times....I seriously can only say that Kong Hee and associates are self-deluded to a megalomaniac level. Orthodox churches dissociated themselves from CHC for eons, and CHC is still unapologetically going about its daily business of spiritual abuse! Sigh....I can only use Terry Goodkind's quote, "People are stupid", to comfort myself here....
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