A strangely depressing, yet simultaneously inspirational, funny, and thought-provoking talk. Comes on the heels of a phone interview I'm to partake in slightly over 12 hours.
Obviously his goal is not to crush young peoples' dreams underfoot, but he raised a number of issues that resonated with myself personally. Issues I had been wrestling with since I went into crisis. Issues that I had started trying to reveal/review in an attempt to understand and better myself.
I am afraid, but I should not be. Been insecure since being battered about into a state of professional incoherency.
I think I have a passion, or am starting to identify one. For now, I only vaguely see the future it may take me. I want to make software tools, tools that directly or indirectly aid the progress of science. All I lack now is that clarity of vision and focus to proceed. I want more than anything to make something I would use, and want to use.
I still hang on to Larry's "if only I had" mental object floating in my head. And he's right. It hurts. I wrestle with ejecting this object from my mind, and it is harder than I had imagined.
Well come tomorrow, may my light shine and my doubts and insecurities fade. I am confident and I have high hopes, but I know they often fade (inexplicably) all too easily.